My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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