He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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