The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
