Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
