Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
