they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
