Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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