Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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