Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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