I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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