R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
