Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is my gift to your gina
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
