Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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