I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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