the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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