that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
