I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
