those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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