so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
