sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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