I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
