My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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