why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
