I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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