Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
