clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
