for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
