PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Panties = found
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