if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
