I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
