whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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