I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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