I hate your face
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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