the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
