I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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