If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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