3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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