I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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