The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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