so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
