in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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