Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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