i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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