He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
