Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
