Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
