It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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