dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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