The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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