Just cropdusted the office
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
