All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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