i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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