I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
