Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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