hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
