My friends, they love my intelligence
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
