White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
