matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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