my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I touched a dick in church today
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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