pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
