thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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