he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
