I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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