Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
