i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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