yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
