lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
