I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
