I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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