I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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