but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
