weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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