I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
